This is it

So, this is it. Tomorrow is the big day in which I embark on this hopefully exciting new part of my life. I'm sitting here behind my PC writing this and I'm pretty sure I'm doing it just to have an excuse to not go to bed and let tomorrow come quicker. God,  I don't like flying...

I used to be okay with flying and have done so many times before. I mean, I don't remember ever really liking it but I was okay with it. Then, a few years back, I flew to Australia and everything changed. We we taking off at Heathrow airport, going to Doha. Even though the weather seemed nice there must have been really strong cross winds because the plane was shacking left and right quite fiercely during the acceleration. Then, after the plane had taken off, the shaking continued and there was even a moment when the plane really felt like it was falling, i.e., there was a strong and sudden drop of altitude, sending everyone on the plane screaming. Nothing happened and the plane continued on its merry way to Doha. But imagine being stuck in a plane for 6 hours after a scare like that.

I suppose something clicked in me back then and I've been very anxious about flying ever since. I know the fear of flying is somewhat irrational given the training pilots go throw, the laws of physics, the number of planes that are on the air at a given time, etc, And I think it's only because I normally think logically that prevents this fear from turning into a full blown phobia. But I am also a somewhat superstitious person and I tend to always think of the negative things first and about the what ifs. For example, during the online check-in, when we're allowed to choose our seat, I specifically made sure not to choose the 13th lane because of the number. I went with the 14th lane instead, over the wings so I don't feel so much turbulence. I also have this strange belief that I can make things happen if I really concentrate on them. And since I'm only thinking of bad things I fear those bad things might actually happen. It's just a tremendous conflict in my head all the time.

Anyway, I still fly whenever I have to but it is always a really stressful situation for me. I can only be thankful that it's not a very long trip - it's about 2.5 hours from Lisbon to London. To endure the stress I need to come up with things to do that might take my mind off it. Sleeping and reading don't work since I'm too stressed out to sleep or to concentrate on what I'm reading. Seeing a movie would be nice but I don't have a tablet and my laptop is way too big for me to use in those godawful small chairs. My only solution is to listen to music and podcasts. Podcast are quite nice since I can concentrate on what's being said and I know how long each episode takes, so I can make an estimation on how much time has passed. I just wish I could take something that would completely knock me out during the flight. I would gladly pay more just to have that privilege.

It's getting late, I'm very tired and I think I will go to bed. Tomorrow will be a long and very stressful day and I suppose I'm not doing it any good by being sleep deprived and exhausted. I will write something here before the day ends so see you then.